


I'll just stay here, then

by fmschiele



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, F/M, Gen, Hurt Castiel, Mental Breakdown
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-27
Updated: 2013-11-27
Packaged: 2018-01-02 19:11:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1060530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fmschiele/pseuds/fmschiele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Setting: during the event of S07E16 The Born Again Identity.<br/>What happened after Castiel shifted Sam’s mental illness. And what went on Castiel's newly broken mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll just stay here, then

Castiel remained in fetal position, his back pressed up against the cold, hard concrete of hospital wall.   
The fresh tears slowly welling up in his eyes were blurring the vision of Sam and Dean.   
The heartbeats were accelerating and it gave Castiel bizarre sensation in his extremities.   
He felt inexplicable amount of anxiety, yet his body stayed completely listless.

He could see Lucifer walking up and settling down next to him.   
The long-lost brother.   
He wasn’t real, Castiel knew.  
He mustered up every last drop of Grace in him to repel it.   
The flickering vision held on as long as it could.   
Even as it was fading away, the whisper remained.   
The whisper.  
"Hello, brother." A voice that reeked of hurt and intent to hurt.  
"Look at Sammy over there." An infuriating sing song voice.  
Castiel squeezed his eyes shut. A tear rolled down and when he looked up a clearer picture of Sam’s face came into his view.   
Still worn down to bits, in his white hospital garb, face full of fear and concern.  
Fear and Concern for him.  
"You remember when you just broke his wall like  _that_?”  
Said the whisper accompanied by a sound of fingers snapping.  
"That was fun, wasn’t it?"  
It just wouldn’t go away.  
"Well, it certainly was for me."  
The voice cackled.   
Castiel now wished he could see the owner of the voice so he could strangle it.

"Cas?"  
A different voice broke through to him.  
"Cas, you alright?"  
Dean. He was here. It’ll be ok. This. This is going to be ok. All ok.

"He’s here."  
Castiel managed to croak it out.   
There was a mountain of weight on his sternum and his throat was closing up.   
He felt unpleasant tingles all over.   
The eyes were filling back up with new tears.   
Horror quickly replaced the fear and concern on Sam’s face. He knew exactly what Cas meant.  
"Oh, no." San said under his breath.  
And that moment Dean knew too.  
With a simple clench of his jaw, a resolve appeared on Dean’s face.   
He swallowed hard and turn towards his brother.  
"Let’s go." Dean said grabbing Sam’s biceps.  
"What?" Sam shot back incredulously.  
"We gotta _go_.” Without waiting for an answer Dean started dragging Sam towards the door.   
Sam let himself be led, still unsure of the situation.  
"Dean, wait!"  
"Hey, we need some help over here!"  
Dean shouted at a small group of people dressed in staff uniform gathered at the end of hallway.  
A couple of them ran over and discovered Castiel in the thickest of a breakdown and rushed to help.  
"Come on, let’s go Sammy. I got your clothes in the car."  
With that, the Winchesters were gone, Sammy tentatively throwing a worried looks over his shoulder.

By the time the nurses and the orderlies got to him, Castiel was hyperventilating severely.   
He had watched the the blurry vision of the Winchesters walking out.   
They walked out.   
Castiel was suddenly under the unbearable pressure of emotion.   
And it was a strange thing - emotion.   
Castiel wasn’t sure if he liked it at all.   
Why was Anna so desperate for it?   
Why did he ever idealize it? Crave it? Romanticize it?   
It was paralyzing him.   
Worst of all, he couldn’t even figure it out.   
What was this? What was it that he was feeling right now?   
Everything felt so odd and suffocating.   
It absolutely terrified him.  
He felt a sudden disconnect from himself and the body.   
The body he stole.   
At the same time he was bound to it. Trapped inside of it.   
He couldn’t move, in every sense of way.

He felt himself being picked up by a bunch of hands.   
Then, he was led from place to place.   
Castiel simply lowered is eyelids and focused on his eyelashes.   
Everything else was nothing but blurs and murmurs.

The voice has faded.   
But it didn’t matter.   
It was all in him.   
All the demons, fallen angels, leviathans, lost souls or whatever.   
It invaded his mind and he realized.   
He realized he was alone.   
He was useless. Worthless.   
He was left alone here like a garbage because he had absolutely no use worth a shit left for anyone.

So Castiel just sat there and remained silent, motionless. Like the wretched, miserable thing he was.

 

 

.  
.  
.  
"Hello, Clarence"  
 _ **Then, he heard something.**_


End file.
